“For Once In My Life”

For once in my life, I feel secure.


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In My Thoughts

“The best lessons we teach are the ones we most need to learn.”



Who am I without you but be a heart without purpose?

Before you, I knew not what security felt like.
Before you, I knew not what love looked like.
Before you, I knew not what real commitment was.

Now, I cannot love you less.

I see more than a 5 year plan.


This Is PainfulĀ 

Even as I write this, I feel like I am not ready to. 

This is painful.

Two weeks ago, for the first time, I looked at my lap into the path of lines that faced one another like strange figures meeting for the first time. It was so alien to me. Staring deep into its gaze, I was haunted by the disappointment and the fear of overlooming judgment that would be casted on me by familiar onlookers in my life. 

I feared the fear itself. 

I sat there and I wept at the idea of loss before it even happened. 

I never knew a feeling like it even existed. 

Days passed and things made sense to me. The way I sensed things were heightened and I felt the most innate of instincts kick in. For a moment in this brief life, I felt I had some purpose to fulfill. 

In reality, I could not fulfill it.

In reality, it broke my heart. 

In one week I had possessed blissful ignorance – this idea that I had the “fortunate unawareness of something unpleasant”. As everything was happening so quickly, I had no means of processing everything the way I wanted to or in a healthy manner. I took an idea, I wrapped my head around it, and then, I ran with it without thinking of the physical and emotional costs. 

But later on, I decided that the idea in which “I made the right decision” was the best and only alternative. And, to think, I thought that idea was going to make this any more easier…

Well, I did say blissful ignorance, right? 

This is painful.  

I did not acknowledge what happened to me overnight. I did not take a moment to grieve for myself or for the part of me I lost. 

I am not coping well.

This is painful. 

I am trying to find reasons to help myself heal but I know I will not find that today.

I am trying to hold back tears and hold my head up but I know I will be sad and hurt.

From the physical pain to the emotional pain, I am doing the best I can to deal with my sense of loss. 

For now, this is painful.


This is Us



Baby, Thank You

My admiration of you goes without saying “I love you” because it is more than just that. You are all the elements of adoration sheltered in my heart safely.

With every piece of me, I am so fond of your charm and character.

You make me happy.
You make me better.

Baby, thank you.